How long can i hide it? everything, am i a burden? to myself or everyone?.
Am i fine or am i not i don’t really know, everything’s still there but trying to hide it for so long its like i’ve forgotten i’m rather insane, since i attempted and everyone found out what i was really like i had to act out that wasnt me anymore, for everyones relief but i don’t actually think i’m fine at all, i’ve lost all my closest friends but gained allot more but since i’m not the same its so hard to love my new friends and get as close. It’s played with me that they’re not really my friends. why do i feel attempting to leave again is the best thing to do? i’m scared but not of dying but the possibility of failing and if i failed again what would happen? after how the last time i tried to leave i feel i’ll get put away and lose myself more.. 
how is it so easy to hide but not to actually grow better, its nearly been two years since i set myself alight and i’m not sure of my progress. it’s crazy how EVERYONE thinks suddenly after everything i’m actually fine, how is it that whenever someone tries to ask me for help all it does is make feel crazy myself? why can’t i help those in need instead of losing it myself, as soon as someone says they wanna attempt it just makes me freeze and all of a sudden i think it’s my time too, i don’t understand myself.
How can i be stuck in such toxic.